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Character Profile: Aniko, Read it and grade it Mo'fos!


Jul 14 2005, 01:24 PM (Post #1)
Recruit
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Posts: 99
Cash: 204 / 18,970
Group: Newbie
Joined: 7/11/05 08:25 AM
Here is my profile:

Full Character Name (s): Seit Drakalo although he keeps it secret to keep his cover.

Character Nickname (s): Anyone that meets him is only told one name; Aniko

Age / Date of Birth: He is only 18 and does not know his date of birth

Class / Job: By night he works as an assassin but by day he works in any bar for part-time work and a little more money.

Gender:b Appears male

Relatives: None, all of his relatives are dead.

Height / Weight: He stands roughly at 6ft and weighs no more than 200 lbs

Other Physical Attributes / Appearances: He is muscular and has a strong, sturdy stature about him. His dark hair is down to back and slightly covers his oceanic eyes. The only distinguishable marking on his body is a tattoo over the right side of his face which he calls ‘Rakhan’, what it means only he knows.

Mental Attributes / Personality: He is very sharp of mind and picks things up very quickly which allows him to adapt well to unknown situations and people. Normally he appears calm and peaceful to those he meets but as soon as a situation occurs he snaps into his ‘assassin’ frame of mind, deadly and efficient.

Background / History: His mother died during his birth and he was taking from the hospital by a band of thieves to be sold off to an unknown assassin horde. He was trained in the arts of archery, stealing, stealth, bladed combat and illusion techniques.
When he was only 9 he was sent after the rest of family to massacre them to achieve full membership in the assassins. He did as ordered; in the dead of night he found his family sleeping peacefully. In only a few moment of Aniko entering the house his family were dead in front of him, however little did he know that he was also a target of assassins. A rebel faction within their clan wanted him dead for the power he possessed. They ambushed him after he accomplished the mission disguised as peasants they leapt at him from all angles in a attempt to kill their prey.
He did not know that they acted in secret and because of his actions was exiled from the order and hunted for treason, now he sends most of life avoiding attacks,ambushes and traps.

Equipment / Clothing: Upon each hand he wears leather gauntlets to offer minimum protection and maximum flexibility. He dons dark, ordinary clothing to blend in with the shadows and bustling streets and to avoid attracting attention to himself

Other Information: Although he appears to be a clam individual and a fierce/brutal assassin he holds more in his mind and heart than others realise.All his life after he killed his family he has hated himself and everything he does.He doesn't hate the assassin order, nor those that try and kill him.He wishes for death, his own death and the death of others.In truth he wants to die when he cannot kill any more,in the midst of great battle.Any time before that will be unacceptable to him and Aniko will fight against it strongly.

This post has been edited by Aniko: Jul 18 2005, 08:50 AM
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Jul 14 2005, 02:56 PM (Post #2)
Masked Insanity
* * * * * * * * *
Posts: 11,179
Cash: 76,637 / 1,231,613
Group: Representative
Joined: 10/16/02 07:09 PM
Topic Title: 5/5 Points
Length: 9/10 Points
Grammar / Spelling: 5/6 Points
Neatness / Creativity: 5/6 Points

Profile Content:
Full Character Name: 1/4 Points
Character Nickname: 3/3 Points
Age / Date of Birth: 4/4 Points
Class / Job: 4/4 Points
Gender: 2/2 Points <--Appears??
Relatives: 4/4 Points
Height / Weight: 2/2 Points
Other Physical Attributes / Appearances: 10/10 Points
Mental Attributes / Personality: 9/10 Points
Background / History: 12/12 Points
Equipment / Clothing: 10/10 Points
Other Information: 0/8 Points

My Grade: 85/100
-Basically, you left too much a secret. It is better to include in the profile and leave it unknown in the story than leaving everything virtually blank. You passed my grading though, but 85 is the bare minimum here. If anyone gives you a lower grade than I did, you might not get the license.

Hint, add some other information before Grand or Wolf grades this. Other than that, I think you did pretty damn good considering some profiles we've had in the past. XD
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Jul 14 2005, 05:18 PM (Post #3)
Not Odd anymore
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Posts: 45,875
Cash: 1,915,578 / 1,817,041,051
Group: Administrator
Joined: 7/10/02 09:48 PM
Haven, he has the "Other Information:" section. O_o Nevermind, you edited yours after Haven graded it.

General Criterias:
Topic Title: Character Profile: Character Name (5 / 5 Points)
Topic Description: Whatever you feel fits (0 Points)
Length: (8 / 10+ points - Extras will count as "Extra Credit")
Grammar / Spelling: (5 / 6+ points - Exceptional work will receive "Extra Credit")
Neatness / Creativity: (3 / 6+ points - Same as above - You didn't bold it. Formatting and such is very important ssmile.gif)

Profile Content:
Full Character Name (s): (4 / 4 Points)
Character Nickname (s): (3 / 3 Points)
Age / Date of Birth [If Known]: (4 / 4 Points)
Class / Job: (4 / 4 Points)
Gender: (2 / 2 Points)
Relatives: (4 / 4 Points)
Height / Weight: (2 / 2 Points)
Other Physical Attributes / Appearances: (9 / 10 Points)
Mental Attributes / Personality: (9 / 10 Points)
Background / History: (10 / 12 Points)
Equipment / Clothing: (9 / 10 Points)
Other Information: (8 / 8 Points)

Total: 89/100: Not bad

Basically I have the same argument as Haven, but I'd like to add two seemingly trivial but pretty critical things you need: format and quantity. I didn't take off too much for the shortness of some sections, just one each, but it's nice to have things more in detail in the profile for us to refer to. You can start off ambiguous in the story though, or do it however you want. Keep in mind the profile is for us readers to refer to, etc.

Oh yes, as for the format, I would like everything bold. You know. It's neater that way.

Keep in mind of the grammar / punctuation problem I pointed out in your intro topic sbiggrin.gif
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Jul 16 2005, 01:05 AM (Post #4)
Masked Insanity
* * * * * * * * *
Posts: 11,179
Cash: 76,637 / 1,231,613
Group: Representative
Joined: 10/16/02 07:09 PM
Basically, you have your license, but I'll wait until Wolf grades the profile (if he wants to) before I send it to you.
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Jul 16 2005, 04:40 AM (Post #5)
Not Odd anymore
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Posts: 45,875
Cash: 1,915,578 / 1,817,041,051
Group: Administrator
Joined: 7/10/02 09:48 PM
But, you only need two approvals...

BTW Aniko, the basics of the license-attaining process requires that your post be formatted according to the requirements. You won't get a license till you do so.
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Jul 18 2005, 08:48 AM (Post #6)
Recruit
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Posts: 99
Cash: 204 / 18,970
Group: Newbie
Joined: 7/11/05 08:25 AM
Alright then peeps. I was away from the internet for the weekend as usual.... (some things never change). Anyway I'll go and format it now and I would like Wolf to grade it also (if he wishes) just to get a average grade for my own purposes.


*goes to edit*
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Jul 18 2005, 06:09 PM (Post #7)
Not Odd anymore
* * * * * * * * * *
Posts: 45,875
Cash: 1,915,578 / 1,817,041,051
Group: Administrator
Joined: 7/10/02 09:48 PM
I'll give you the license right now, since you passed the first two.
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