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Character Profile: Crispin Davis


Dec 28 2005, 02:40 AM (Post #1)
Colonel
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Posts: 2,579
Cash: 46,264 / 266,023
Group: Nobility
Joined: 12/14/05 03:32 PM
OK guys, you win. I will play it your way. I see that Cooloser has re-done his bio, and I recieved a few PMs from him, so I know he is here. I am willing to humble myself as long as I can RP with my friends. Also, I can now add pics. I will watch the spelling, add punctuation, and all the other staples of the English lanuage. I do not have spell check, so I might be limeted in my vocabulary based on what I can spell right, but that shouldnt be much of a problem. I only ask that the person checking this doesn't use spell check to find my errors, and finds them on his own.





Full Character Name: Crispin Davis

Character Nickname: After his 'Father' died, he took on the name Keeserat.

Age / Date of Birth: Keeserat is 16 years old, and was born on the 5th of January

Relatives: Keeserat has no living relatives.

Class / Job: Keeserat is, for the moment, without a job. He lives off of garbage and scraps of food he finds in dumpsters behind fast food places.

Gender: Male

Height / Weight: 5'11'', 110 lbs.

Other Physical Attributes / Appearance: Keeserat has a very strange appearance. His eyes are a neon colored green, and do not have pupils in them. The whites of his eyes are tinted a lighter color of neon green. His hair is thick and greasy. Although it is very greasy, it doesn't have a shiney look to it. He is very thin, not because of his diet, but because it is his nature to be like that. His feet are a little bit big for his body size, but not to the point of being funny. He has thick eye brows, but they are not connected. He almost always has that look like he is looking through a person, and not at them.

Mental Attributes / Personality: If a person was to try to desribe Keese's personality, the only real way they could describe him is by restating his name. An example is, "Keeserat, well, he's 'Keeserat'." He has attitude that is unstable, and can change very rapidly. He takes heavy insult to anyone mocking lycans, and will attack them if he hears them. Although that is the case most of the time, if it is the right kind of day, he will do nothing. It all matters what kind of mood he is in. He is kind to people who are in need of kindness, and can be brutal towards people who he feels recieved everything handed to them. He loves rats, and, as a constant, he will try to kill anyone who he feels hurt one of his rats.

Background / History:

Crispin lived in a small town in the middle of the suburbs. He lived in a nicer part of town, and grew up not having much work to do. He had only one real hobby, and that was making swords from any material that he could. He mostly made them from wood.

When he was about six, a strange man moved in next door to him. The man saw him playing outside, and asked him for help with his gardening. Crispin helped him, and wile he was working, they had a discussion. In that discusion, Crispin's hobby came up. The man said, "I have something for you. A friend of mine gave it to me back in my younger days." He went inside and came back out with a box. He set the box on the ground and motioned for Crispin to open it. Crispin opened the box, and saw a shiney silver colored sword with a Damascus wing feather pattern. The old man told him it was now his, and introduced himself as Socrates.

Later, when Crispin is about 12.

Crispin had grown to know Socrates, but had never entered his home. On one day, Socrates invited him inside. Inside his house, there was around maybe 200 rats. This didnt bother Crispin. Socrates motioned towards a chair, and Crispin sat down. Socrates then started into a long story about how in his younger days, he had traveled to Remang and been bitten by a lycan. Crispin did not really listen to the story, he was petting one of the rats. Socrates finished by asking, "Would you like to succeed my linage as a Lycan?" Crispin agreed, and Socrates pulled out one of his teeth, and stabbed it into Crispin's palm. Crispin started to feel dizzy, and in his last moments of awareness, he saw Socrates crumple to the ground.

He woke up the next morning, in that same chair to find Socrates dead. His heart was at first filled with sadness, but then his emotions retreated into the animal like personality that he had suddenly aquired. He felt empty.

One of the rats said to him, "Keeserat, my lord, what is your bidding?" Crispin said back, completely unsurprised by the rat's words, "Take him out of here."



Equipment: Keeserat wears a costume that has been gathered throughout the years. The start of it is a normal black t-shirt. On top of the t-shirt is a red overcoat. It is made of a tough cotton-like material, and has four buttons to close it in the front. The front of the coat ends at belt level, and the back goes down to past his butt. The back on it is to cover the hole in his jeans that his tail makes when he transforms. His jeans are well worn in, and are a light blue color. The jeans are sized for a normal fit, and are held up with a brown leather belt. Keeserat has size 13 gray and black skateboarding shoes. He does not wear socks. On his head he wears a headband with a metal plate in the front. Engraved in the headband is the symbols for 'Nezumi' meaning rat. Inside his coat he carries the silver damscus sword, and a collection of kunia knives, shurikens, and other kinds of throwing blades. He has a group of rats that swarm behind him where ever he goes. That is all that he owns.

Other Information: The rat swarm counts as a weapon, not a NPC. The plaugue that he carries only effects NPC characters that have been in contact with him for a wile. It doesnt effect Lycans, Vampires, or any kind of undead. Keeserat is not a powerful fighter. He is more of a back up character.

Picture
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Dec 29 2005, 12:57 AM (Post #2)
Masked Insanity
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Posts: 11,179
Cash: 76,637 / 1,231,613
Group: Representative
Joined: 10/16/02 07:09 PM
Holistic Grades:
Length: 10/10 points
English Syntax: 4/5 points
Creativity: 5/5 points

Profile Content:
Full Character Name (s): 3/3 Points
Character Nickname (s): 2/2 Points)
Age / Date of Birth [If Known]: 3/3 Points
Class / Job: 3/3 Points
Gender: 2/2 Points
Relatives: 4/5 Points
Height / Weight: 2/2 Points
Other Physical Qualities / Appearances: 15/15 Points
Mental Qualities / Personality: 14/15 Points
Background / History: 15/20 Points
Equipment / Clothing: 8/10 Points
Other Information: +1/0

Total / Final Grade: 91/100 points
-I still think the history is a bit too brief, but you improved greatly on your syntax, as well as the mental/physical descriptions. You pass for me. Another passing grade will get you an RP license.

You may have to wait another day for the second grade though. Grand and Mr. Jack are the only other members who can grade your profile officially, and both of them are away right now.
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Dec 29 2005, 06:43 AM (Post #3)
Not Odd anymore
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Posts: 45,875
Cash: 1,915,578 / 1,817,041,051
Group: Administrator
Joined: 7/10/02 09:48 PM
I concur with Haven except on:

syntax: I think it should be 5 - he did pretty well this time. 5 is for standard english easily understandable. Unless you can find several distinct errors, I think 5 is a more fitting score. Besides stupid stuff like "Inside his house, there was around maybe 200 rats", of course.

Equipment/clothing: He was pretty descriptive on this - 9 or 10 is more appropriate.

And for me, I think the LENGTH of the history is fine - it just doesn't seem to be a history. It's more like a background RP. A history is supposed to explain his birth to his current situation, give or take a few years - not just a subordinate RP. So, the 15/20 should be for the content of the history, not the length.

And since Haven didn't explain the 4/5 on the relatives thing I will give my own explanation. I understand there are no documented relatives, but maybe that should be elaborated upon either in that category or in the histories?
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Dec 29 2005, 02:29 PM (Post #4)
Masked Insanity
* * * * * * * * *
Posts: 11,179
Cash: 76,637 / 1,231,613
Group: Representative
Joined: 10/16/02 07:09 PM
His history is more of a backing RP, yes, but it still gives a few bits of information, so if he continued it, I'd give him a better grade.

I took off on the equipment because all of his mistakes were focused IN that paragraph. He described everything well, but somewhat sloppily. Plus, I don't like when someone misspells kunei, sbiggrin.gif.

My problem with the relatives is exactly what you said Grand...no mention of how they died/left his life.

Don't see why it's a problem though...he passes no matter what, so he can be happy, ^_^ . Remember Grand...if we all graded the same way, there would be no need for more than one of us to grade each profile. o_o
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Dec 30 2005, 07:31 AM (Post #5)
Not Odd anymore
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Posts: 45,875
Cash: 1,915,578 / 1,817,041,051
Group: Administrator
Joined: 7/10/02 09:48 PM
Well, since I passed him too, wanna give him the license?
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Dec 30 2005, 10:08 PM (Post #6)
Colonel
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Posts: 2,579
Cash: 46,264 / 266,023
Group: Nobility
Joined: 12/14/05 03:32 PM
Well, I am probably only going to be playing with this character, so I don't want to just pass as much as finish.


I value both of your oppinions.

I will fix what I can.
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Dec 30 2005, 11:05 PM (Post #7)
Masked Insanity
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Posts: 11,179
Cash: 76,637 / 1,231,613
Group: Representative
Joined: 10/16/02 07:09 PM
Alright, o_o, I'll send you the license.
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