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Can't think of a title, but I'm writing it anyway. (chapter 1)


Jul 21 2007, 06:13 PM (Post #1)
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NOTE: I'm not much of a writer, but I feel somewhat inspired, for some reason, so here it goes:

************************************************8

Another hot, humid, late-summer evening, the usual sounds of beeping car horns are through the air. The year is 2030 A.D., and there has been surprisingly little progress in terms of publicly available technology, but technology has been rapidly increasing for the government, and government sponsored scientists. We find two men, one large and muscular, yet agile, black haired, sunglasses, leather jacket and blue jeans, is armed with a relatively new invention, which may be difficult to explain exactly what it is, and how it works, but the best way for us to understand it today, would be to say "laser gun". The other man, fat, bald, middle aged, wearing a tuxedo, seems very intimidated by the other man. The two are atop a building. It is no skyscraper, but one would surely die if they were to fall.

The man in the tux begins to speak, nervously, "Aethan, do you know where we are?"

Aethan says, in a determined, and arrogant voice, "Do I look like a mind-reader to you?"

With a slight gulp, the other man says, "I have...I have a job for you."

Aethan leans in with interest.

The tuxed man continues, "We are at the Zernix laboratory. They are experimenting with human cloning and creating new species using DNA from other animals. They are planning to use these to make war on the city. I need you...I need you to infiltrate the lab, sabotage their plans, and assassinate the foreman. Also, find out what exactly their political goals are. Can you handle that?"

Aethan responds, "You of all people should know my record, of course I can handle it, how much am I getting?"

"We'll work that out after you've accomplished your mission."

Aethan takes off his sunglasses, and folds his arms, "I said, how much am I f*cking getting?"

"How about $20,000?"

Aethan turns his back on the man, "Forget it."

"Uhh, $50,000?"

"Nope"

"$100,000?"

Aethan does not reply.

"$200,000?"

Aethan turns around aggressively, grabs the man by his suit, and walks over with him to the edge of the building. "I want money. If this is important to you, you'd better make it worth my time."

The look of fear comes over the man's eye's, he manages to say, "Okay, okay, $3,000,000"

Aethan smiles, and say, "You are pathetic, you know that?" He loosens his grip on the man's suit, turns around, and takes a few steps. "I don't even want the money, I only came here out of boredom. I'll accept your mission, but if you're not here when I get back, I will personally kill you. I expect the helicopter to be here."

The man sits down, grabs his phone, while Aethan opens the grating, and drops into the laboratory.

****************************************************

The ceiling is high, a 15 foot drop, but Aethan lands as smoothly as if he were walking. The room's only source of light comes from two giant test tubes, each with a biological formation in them. Nobody else is in the room. Aethan puts his sunglasses back on, and kicks each of the test tubes, which causes disgusting clear gel to ooze out of the tubes. Then, the lights go off, and an alarm sounds. But this is nothing new to Aethan.

He pulls out his weapon, and proceeds to take out the security guards one by one as they rush through the door, almost as if someone was pushing them from behind. The alarm continues, but Aethan, as relaxed as usual, searches the room, looking for anything that might be helpful. Finding nothing, he walks out the door, into complete darkness.

After stumbling through what appeared to be a hallway, Aethan sees a dim flashing light up ahead. He takes a few more steps, when the light suddenly comes on. Aethan is surprised to find that he is surrounded by other security guards, policemen, and several soldiers.

"Drop the gun, and get on the ground", the lieutenant calmly commands.

Aethan does so, and feels handcuffs placed on his wrists. He is stood up, and led a little further, when a violent explosion erupts from a room up ahead. The whole building is catching on fire as fast as flames can spread, and the sprinklers seem to be fueling the fire more than putting it out.
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Jul 22 2007, 01:44 AM (Post #2)
Love me like you mean it
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You got my attention. You have some unnecessary commas but overall, I think it's good so far. I'm curious to see the results of the experimentation. ssmile.gif
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Jul 22 2007, 04:53 AM (Post #3)
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Thanks. I'll have more in a few days.
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Jul 22 2007, 08:58 AM (Post #4)
F├╝hrer of the Boards
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Don't worry Sing, I have the same comma use problem as well. stongue.gif

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Jul 22 2007, 05:00 PM (Post #5)
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Oh well, that's just how I write. I'm thinking chapter 2 will come out on Tuesday or Wednesday.
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