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Someone Special Intro


Mar 2 2009, 10:43 AM (Post #1)
Angel of Music
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I just wrote this today. I want it to be my masterpiece, because the context means a great deal to me. If anyone has anything they think I should fix, or just some comments, I'm very appreciative of them.

~~~~~

Someone Special

I pull my slightly worn, white Mitsubishi Galant into parking lot B and circle until I finally find a vacant spot at the very edge of campus. Parking, I turn the ignition off, pull the break, and place my keys in my pocket. I grab my MP3 player and stuff it into the other pocket, then I pop open the door and step out. Closing the door behind me, I begin the long trudge to B Building, where my first class is to be held. I have about an hour before the class begins, but I figure I should get to know the grounds.
The foliage around campus is well tended and the lawns are lush and green. Crate Myrtle trees speckle the grounds, the pink flowers just starting to bloom. One colossal Magnolia tree dominates the main lawn of B Building, towering over the three-story building itself and sprawling out over a large portion of the lawn. Small, well-trimmed Gardenia bushes skirt the building wholly and beautify the landscape with their brilliant white flowers. My trek leads me down a concrete walkway that cleaves the main lawn in two and trails up to the main entrance of B Building. It's early yet, so there are few people out of their dorms; there are some, though. A couple sits on a bench under the great Magnolia, kissing tenderly, their respective books cast aside. A fairly athletic individual is jogging along the concrete walkway with ear buds blaring some Hip Hop song. A man in a gray suit and tie, likely a professor, is just arriving and hurriedly traversing the lawn to get to his room before students begin showing up.
Finally, I arrive at the main entrance to B Building. I push open one of the double doors and enter. I make my way through the wide hallway, admiring the decorative award cases and the occasional mural as I walk. Ahead, the hallway splits-- one direction leads to the Commons Area, left, and the other continues the main hallway, straight, to the stairwells and elevators. I decide to take the left path.
A girl wearing a black t-shirt and faded jeans storms through the hallway leading to the Commons, a single tear trailing down her cheek, her eyes tightly shut. As I round the corner, I have very little time to react as this furious girl stamps toward me. Now, I'm a large man-- 6 feet tall, 230 pounds with a stocky build-- and this girl is not even 5 feet tall. She realizes just before she slams into me that I am there, and throws up her arms to stop some of the impact. She hits my chest pretty hard, but appears unharmed. Even so, my arms shoot out to hold her shoulders to keep her from being knocked over. Her eyes are closed and her arms are still out, now pressing against my chest; her left cheek is also leaning against me. Slowly her eyes open and she looks up at me, as I look down at her, my hands still lightly pressing on her shoulders. She doesn't move, but only continues to rest her hands on my chest as she looks into my eyes; she seems a little dazed.
After a few seconds, she pulls away from me, realizing what has happened. "I'm so sorry!" she exclaims raggedly, shaking her head and moving her arms frantically. "I'm so clumsy!"
"No, it's perfectly fine," I assure her. I gesture reassuringly and smiling nervously. She seems very flustered.
"No, I should have watched where I was going," she insists, still slightly frantic.
"Ben."
She stops shaking her head and looks at me inquisitively. "What?"
"My name is Ben." I introduce myself calmly, hoping to relieve some of her anxiety by changing the subject.
She looks at me for a moment before she speaks. "Um, I'm Stephanie." She still seems a little distraught.
"It's nice to meet you, Stephanie," I reply breezily, as calm and light-hearted as I can be.
She looks at me again for a bit. "You can call me Steph. Everyone calls me that." She seems to be loosening up a little.
"Stephanie. That's a lovely name," I tell her, my smile becoming more friendly now.
Slightly surprised at the random compliment, she is speechless for a moment. "You think so?" she finally manages.
"Oh yeah!" Oh yeah? What kind of goober says that?
"Well, thank you," she replies, a smile forming on her lips. She has a very pretty smile. Hell, she has a very pretty face. It's then that I begin to pay attention to her features. Her deep brown, shoulder-length hair is shiny and silky-looking in the florescent lighting. Her skin is a smooth shade of very light olive-- like that of a person of Asian or Hispanic descent. Her eyes are a penetrating black-brown that is very compelling. She isn't wearing a whole lot of make-up, with the exception of tasteful eye make-up and likely some foundation. To be honest, she doesn't need it; she's gorgeous. Her lips are full, with great definition and shape. Her cheeks look very soft and as she smiles, she reveals adorable little dimples. Her nose, perhaps her most prominant facial feature, is shapely and regal, like a Greek goddess.
We just stand there and smile at each other for a long moment. Then, simultaneously, "So, um--"
"You go," she quickly says.
"No, you," I politely assert.
"Um, are you new to this school?" she asks.
"Yeah, I just transferred here," I respond.
"What's your major?" she continues.
"Music."
Her eyes widen and her smile does the same. "You're a musician?"
"Yep!" Her happy expression, for some reason, makes me smile stupidly and uncontrollably.
"What do you play?" she inquires, steadily becoming more excited.
I chuckle. "My vocal cords"
"You sing?"
I nod, still smiling like an idiot.
She smiles at me excitedly, her mouth slightly agape, and doesn't speak for a while. I simply smile back and await her response.
"I'm a singer, too. I'm majoring in Creative Writing, but my minor is Music," she finally explains.
"Yeah? What voice part do you sing?"
"Second Soprano and First Alto," she clarifies, still smiling widely.
"Really? I sing Second Tenor and Baritone," I reply excitedly.
"Wow! Our voices are similar, then," she beams.
"I guess so," I respond. Then I recall the tear that had trailed her face and I start to feel concerned. "Uh, were you crying earlier?"
Her smile is suddenly replaced by a sad frown. "Um..."
I can sense that she's uncomfortable telling me. After all, I am a complete stranger. "It's ok. You don't have to say anything."
"No, it's alright," she assures me. "My boyfriend and I just had a fight."
At the mention of the word "boyfriend," my heart inexplicably begins to ache. My smile drops away and is usurped by a solemn half-frown. "I'm sorry."
"Not it's ok. I'm really sorry for crashing into you," she apologizes again.
"Really, it's ok. It was really nice meeting you," I say without thinking.
"Likewise, Ben..."
"Forester. My name's Ben Forester," I clarify.
She smiles again, though not as vehemently as before, with a trace of sadness. "Stephanie Grace."
"Again, a lovely name," I repeat.
"You are too kind, sir," she remarks, snickering slightly. She suddenly looks at her watch. "Jeez, I should get going. It was wonderful meeting you, Ben Forester." Then, she briskly walks past me and takes a left, to the elevators. I turn with her as she goes and I watch as she widens the gap between us. She turns back toward me and waves as she rounds the corner. I wave back, smiling again, as she disappears from sight. I sigh.

As I make my way to the elevator, I can't help but smile stupidly at my encounter with Ben Forester. He seems really nice, and he doesn't look half bad, either. He smells good too-- like laundry detergent and tooth paste and-- holy crap, what am I saying? I have a boyfriend. I shouldn't think about guys like that. He's a complete stranger. A complete stranger that I happen to have some things in common with. A complete stranger that was really nice to me. A complete stranger that smells good. One that was concerned about my well-being-- no, Stephanie, you have to stop thinking like this! His long, golden hair wasn't that gorgeous. Nor was his chest that warm. Nor were his arms that strong and comforting. No, definitely not... Gah!
Frustrated, I pick up the pace and pump my arms as I traverse the long hallway. Finally, I arrive at the elevators. I press the up arrow on one of them and wait impatiently as periodic dings signal the elevator's coming. When the door opens, I burst inside, nearly decking a student wearing glasses as he exits. I manage a muffled "excuse me" and the man nods awkwardly. Then the elevator doors shut and I press three.
f*cking Dom. What a jerk he is, sometimes! I swear sometimes, I just can't put up with his bullshit. I just need to get to my room and get ready for class. I'll be fine.
My mind snaps to attention as a ding rings through the elevator. I've reached the top floor. The doors open and I step out into a carpeted hallway. I begin walking down the hallway toward my room. When I am finally standing in front of my room, I reach into my pocket for the room key. I place the key in the lock and turn it, then I open the door and step inside.
Closing the door behind me, I proceed to collapse onto my bed. I lay in bed for several long moments, my mind wandering back and forth between various cluttered thoughts. Finally, I settle on Ben. What a nice guy. Too bad he probably thinks I'm a total klutz. Why do I always have to make a fool out of myself?
Suddenly, my cell phone buzzes in my pocket. Who could it be? I reach into my pocket and pull it out. I look at the front screen. It's Dom. Should I answer?
"Hello?" I say after flipping open the phone.
"Hey, doll face," he replies casually.
Has he forgotten what happened earlier? "What do you want, Dom?"
"I want to say I'm sorry," he grumbles insincerely.
Does he think I buy that? "That's what you always say, Dom. You act like an a*shole, and then you apologize. I don't appreciate it."
He scoffs. "Well, maybe if you weren't so moody all the time, you could get over stupid s*it like that."
"What?" I ask, suddenly furious again.
"You just need to chill out a little. You know?"
I clap the phone shut and sit, my face red with anger. Who the f*ck does he think he is? f*ck! I stand and breathe deeply as I head toward the bathroom, attempting feebly to regain my composure. I open the door to the bathroom and step inside. Angry as I am, I have to get ready for class.

Continuing my exploration, I move steadily closer to the Commons. All the while, I can't seem to remove that girl from my mind. Stephanie. That really is a great name. Stephanie Grace. What a nice girl she seemed to be. Maybe a little clumsy, but she was clearly upset. Boyfriend. Just my luck, right? Story of my life--
I slam hard into a guy's shoulder and the both of us falter slightly, he more than myself. The moment I realize what has happened, I rush to apologize, but before I can say anything, he cuts me off.
"Watch where you're going, douche bag!" he yells indignantly. This guy is about as tall as myself, yet is much thinner. He doesn't lack muscle, but rather has a lean build. He has long arms and legs, and sharp facial features. He's wearing a black t-shirt, khaki slacks, and beat-up flip-flops. Dark brown hair contrasts his pale complexion greatly and his gray eyes are slightly squinted in a piercing glare.
"Sorry, guy. I didn't mean to bump into ya'," I assure him calmly, casually.
He eyes me disdainfully before he speaks. "Damn straight you didn't. Now get out'a my way-- I got something to handle." With that, he strides off, moving rather quickly down the hallway. The back of his shirt reads "Dom" in neon green letters. He takes a right, heading toward the exit to B Lawn, and disappears from sight.
Wow, what a pompous jerk. I'm sure hope I don't have a class with that guy. I continue forward yet again. This time, I keep my eyes on the hall ahead and try not to think about anything.


EDIT: First paragraph sentence structure was changed.
EDIT: New section added. It's not much.

This post has been edited by Uno: Mar 15 2009, 12:42 AM
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Mar 16 2009, 05:38 PM (Post #31)
Colonel
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You misunderstood me.

In a romance play, you need to , first, devolope the main character so the audience understands him,
then, introduce the love interest.
What I am saying is to take extra time, and show off your character's personality to the audience. Make it so they understand and feel for the guy.

As far as time, you have anywhere from an hour, too two hours, if you feel like it, if it's a play. There's no real time limet, but if you decide that it is too long after you are finished, cut fluff from the middle, not nessesary details from the begining or end.

Your target audience for a romance play is going to be women. That means, the "Oh, I ran into you, hey, we are alike in alot of way, let's go out" thing isn't going to fly. You are probably going to have to come up with a better way for the characters to meet. Physically running into each other is lazy writing, and in a play, would look so fake. Next, there has to be some kind of chase. You know, that one sided part of the relationship, where the one person is trying to get the other person to notice them. It doesn't have to be as dramatic as it is in some plays, but generally speaking, a love story won't seem right without that part in it. I wouldn't want to see a play about two people who randomly met, then fell in love. Sometimes it's interesting when they randomly meet, then go thier own ways, then the guy wants to see the woman again, and looks for her. That's actually my favorite kind of romance play.

As for being a musical, I f*cking hate musicals. I really do. I used to love them, but then I saw like 5 bad ones in a row, including 'High School Musical' the movie, and now I can't stand them. I have no real opinion on them, at least none that are unbiased, so I couldn't give you any advice about that idea.


This post has been edited by Mr. Cris Religion: Mar 16 2009, 05:44 PM
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Mar 16 2009, 05:52 PM (Post #32)
Love me like you mean it
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^ High School Musical does not count as real musical theatre, sir.

As for the second part, Uno, I know I've already told you this over IM, but I still think Steph's inner voice is a little irratic. Even for a random person, her thoughts jump around a bit much.

I am looking forward to reading about drama between Steph and Dom though. They sound like the definition of dysfunction xD
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Mar 16 2009, 06:29 PM (Post #33)
Colonel
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I didn't read the edits yet, so my last comment was before that. I'll edit this post when I finish rereading it.

OK, that anwsers all of the problems I said in my last post.

Overall, I see where you are going, and it's not bad.

I only have a small problem with it now, one that might have gotten resolved with your next edit, but Dom seems like a stock "a*shole" character. Is he incredibly good looking, or something, or is he the type that just knows that treating women like s*it works? I think you need to give him some likeable characteristics, because as it stands now, there's no reason the girl would even consider staying with Dom when she can go after Ben. Well, that is if she is intelligent about relationships, which, no offence to women out there, is something most women arn't.
Back to what I was saying, even the most evil of villians need some redeaming qualities, or else they seem cliche. As an example, if you saw the most recent batman movie, they gave Joker this view of good and evil as just being chaos. That was his redeaming quality, in a way, and although the character was far from likeable, he was more interesting because of it. Compare that to the stock villian the Joker was in the animated series, and you will see that just a little difference like that can really change how people view a character.


This post has been edited by Mr. Cris Religion: Mar 16 2009, 06:43 PM
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Mar 19 2009, 07:32 AM (Post #34)
Angel of Music
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He and Steph have been friends since they were very young, so they have a bond. Now he's become an a*shole, and she doesn't know what to do. She puts up with his crap for a long time. Does that help?
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Mar 19 2009, 11:01 AM (Post #35)
Colonel
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I was just suggesting giving him a trait that the audience will see as a redeaming quality. You havn't really gotten into that character yet, so it was more like a premptive suggestion, then a critisism.
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Mar 27 2009, 02:07 PM (Post #36)
Angel of Music
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I have one, and thanks.
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Mar 30 2009, 03:40 AM (Post #37)
Angel of Music
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I don't think this story is going to continue. Sorry if any of you were actually enjoying it.
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Mar 30 2009, 06:42 AM (Post #38)
Masked Insanity
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Awesome. You got me all teary-eyed for nothing. lurk.gif </jk>



It also doesn't take a genius to figure out why, the way you sulked around for the last few days. Let me know if you want me to close this.
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Mar 31 2009, 01:19 AM (Post #39)
Angel of Music
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Sure, you can close it. But hopefully I can start this up again. I think I'm making progress? *sulks some more*
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Mar 31 2009, 03:06 AM (Post #40)
Angel of Music
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Nevermind the progress. Just close it.
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Mar 31 2009, 03:08 AM (Post #41)
I Love Jingy
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I think you can close your own topics.
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Mar 31 2009, 09:47 AM (Post #42)
Angel of Music
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All I can do is delete it.
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Mar 31 2009, 03:03 PM (Post #43)
Not Odd anymore
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QUOTE (Uno @ Mar 31 2009, 01:47 AM)
All I can do is delete it.
*


He meant with the shop item
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