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A Poem I Wrote In 2003


Jun 4 2009, 04:39 PM (Post #1)
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QUOTE
Will You Care

How many people really care;
If your here or if your there;
You may miss every single hair;
But they dont care if your bald.

When I was young you were always here;
Now you dont notice that I'm over there;
You dont even really care;
Just because I'm old.

In the end will you stop and stare;
'Look at the man sat over there;
See the gray in his hair;
His soul has now been sold'.

Our friendship then was ever near;
We went through life without a care;
Golden like, your heart was fair;
Blackened now is the gold.


This is how I felt at the time - ""Oh, my eternal boredom has returned me here, to the start of it all. "God damn this righteous hand" which I am picking skin off of in an attempt to draw blood for me to nibble on for a few more minutes as I count down the seconds to the end of my un-eternal torment, the time at which my shelf date expires and my internal battery runs out of power. Yes, I am that bored that I cannot even self-loathe, or loathe at all, or be happy, or sad, or entertained. There is truly very little to do.

Hell, thats enough random for the now. Enough brain-cells and words used up to keep me occupied for the next few hours""

I think it's about how life is pointless in the end, unless you have people who care if you die. Even then, it is a catch 22 situation - when you die, how will you know who cares? A good example of this is the song "Remembrance Ballad", by Atreyu - "These days are closing in, the end has become apparent - we’re only here for so long. Will anyone remember my name, when time has washed away the dust of my ashes, when my head rests in a velvet lined casket? What’s out there? What is my eternal fate? It only just recently hit me, that this life is just a state. Mortality fading, like the innocence of love. I’m scared to death of what’s to become of my immortal soul, of this eternal flame. Will you remember? Will your heart sing with pain? Who calls out my name, who can tell me what happens, when my eyes close for the last time? Does it all simply end, in a blanket of darkness? What of my soul, what of my soul?"

God, I wish I wrote that song... anyway, enjoy, or not ssmile.gif
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Jun 4 2009, 10:38 PM (Post #2)
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mmm, my last post didn't go through. Basically, I don't feel like rewriting it all, but I commented on how the word "Bald" doesn't rhyme with anything, yet everything else, sort of does.

I also made a snarky comment about emo being out of fashion, and about how I am just pissing in your frosted flakes.
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Jun 5 2009, 03:43 AM (Post #3)
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I liked it. Especially, the first paragraph. The "bald" really stands out... and the thing about the hair. It's emo but I think most poetry is. I don't understand "His soul has now been sold," though.
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Jun 5 2009, 12:37 PM (Post #4)
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QUOTE (Tuxedo Mask @ Jun 4 2009, 10:38 PM)
I commented on how the word "Bald" doesn't rhyme with anything, yet everything else, sort of does.

I also made a snarky comment about emo being out of fashion
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Bald is a loose replacement rhyme for "Old", "Sold" and "Gold". I am like to mess with people in my poems. I could rhyme every 4 lines, every 2 lines, every second word.. but I always throw in one or two non-rhyme rhymes (or loose replacement rhymes, as I call them) just 'cause.. guess it's my signature ssmile.gif

Plus, emo was never in fashion.. this is about death, not long hair.

QUOTE (Tricia @ Jun 5 2009, 03:43 AM)
I liked it. Especially, the first paragraph. The "bald" really stands out... and the thing about the hair. It's emo but I think most poetry is. I don't understand "His soul has now been sold," though.
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"His soul has now been sold" is just another way of saying his life is at an end. Your "soul" is your lust for life, your youth, your adventure. His has come to an end. whether it be the devil, god or mother earth, his soul has departed his body and now he is just waiting to die. Thanks for the feedback.
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Jun 5 2009, 04:26 PM (Post #5)
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death is in the domain of the goths, whining about it is in the realm of the Emos, and if you never thought emo was popular, then I wish I was you, because you must not have experianced all those flamers parading around in girl pants and makeup, being annoying as hell, and whining about everything.
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Jun 5 2009, 04:37 PM (Post #6)
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Well.. you're whining about them, no?

I live my life without prejudice in terms of race, sexuality, age or "fashion tastes". Couldn't care less what a goth "is" or "isn't". I wrote a sequence of words and tried to join them together in a manner which would provoke emotion from a reader - did I succeed or fail?
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Jun 5 2009, 04:39 PM (Post #7)
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I don't know, I can't speak for all the other people who might read it.


as for "Fashion tastes", I think it's alright to honsetly dislike people who try to act different in unison by fallowing a fashion trend.

Atreyu is emo....that was the reason for the emo comment.
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