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Proof Read My Blog Please


Jul 12 2009, 07:23 PM (Post #1)
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http://artistsofglasgow.blogspot.com/

First post of a series of 6, I'd like if some of you could check for, well...

- entertainment factor
- easy to read
- mistakes
- etc


And if you have blogger, please leave a comment if you have the time ssmile.gif

more to come via allmyblogs.originxt.com - hopefully have a lot by September
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Jul 12 2009, 08:01 PM (Post #2)
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I don't attend many concerts/performances, so I can't comment on mistakes, but this seems like a very thorough review! The verb tense switchers were a bit confusing. I like the summary at the top of your post, and the many links. Can't wait to see the images/videos. swink.gif
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Jul 12 2009, 08:10 PM (Post #3)
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Argh, that's what I mean sbiggrin.gif what verb tense changes, specifically? Please, as much detail and as many examples as possible ssmile.gif and thank you for replying!!
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Jul 12 2009, 09:25 PM (Post #4)
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I can give a thorough critique similar to the stories I critique at THL and Writers Realm, breaking it down nearly paragraph by paragraph, if you'd like. (my most recent one is here at Writers Realm) Not the same as a story, obviously, but I can give some feedback...as soon as I clear a few other things from my schedule first xP

If you don't mind my OCD editor skillz kicking in xD

This post has been edited by Icey: Jul 12 2009, 09:27 PM
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Jul 12 2009, 10:05 PM (Post #5)
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I would love the OCD editor skillz sbiggrin.gif I'm trying to get a bunch of content together, then re-designing everything around September, so I'm looking for as much critique as possible just now before I go into advertising mode in September.

I have the problem where I write a first draft of something, then re-write it to the point where I am happy with it, but a lot of silly things (tenses, repetition, misspelling) get left in from previous drafts that I just cannot pick up on having re-written the piece about 5 or 6 times FROWN.GIF so I really need a good quality writer (or reader) to re-read my stuff to keep the grammar in check. Hopefully if people point out my mistakes the first few articles, I should pick up on what I am doing wrong for future articles.

So, thank you if you find the time to do this for me ssmile.gif
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Jul 13 2009, 12:26 AM (Post #6)
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Why do you need editors? Your writing—your style.
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Jul 13 2009, 01:01 AM (Post #7)
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QUOTE (Garlic Junior @ Jul 12 2009, 12:10 PM)
Argh, that's what I mean sbiggrin.gif what verb tense changes, specifically?� Please, as much detail and as many examples as possible ssmile.gif and thank you for replying!!
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In "The Venue," the first paragraph is in present tense. The second is in past tense. The 4th is in present tense again. (and the cycle continues) I'd suggest sticking to one tense to eliminate confusion.

Another idea - when mentioning songs, you could link to youtube or another website so ignorant people like me could listen to them. stongue.gif Or that could be outside the scope of your review.

From reading your article, I can tell that you are very enthusiastic about the bands and music in general. It's interesting that Blitz Kid attracted a totally different crowd, hehe; your description is very dramatic. Good luck with the blogging!

Edit: Also, you could post a calendar with future events from the bands of interest (or ones that you plan to attend and blog about).

This post has been edited by Tricia: Jul 13 2009, 01:04 AM
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Jul 13 2009, 05:32 PM (Post #8)
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1) I'm obviously trying to stick to one tense stongue.gif like I said, through re-writes stupid things like present tense seep into my review (I begin writing it the day after the gig, so it is more natural writing present tense (even if it is wrong), then through re-writes it becomes past tense). On re-reading it, does it go like this? (I'm not great with tense, btw).

"The 13th Note is (present) a cosy wee café in the center of Glasgow that houses a small music venue amidst the bosom of its basement. Boasting a decor of bare concrete walls and old wooden tables emblazoned with the engravings of gigs past, this venue has hosted many a great local punk and metal gig. It is essentially the perfect venue for a gig like tonight's (present).

For such a small venue (the stage is nothing more than a carpet in the corner; the sound desk is literally housed in a hole in the wall) there was (past) some fantastic sound emanating from tonight's (present) bands. The drink prices were (past) reasonable, the toilets were (past) kept relatively clean, and the abundance of local graffiti, both on the tables and in the cubicles, and advertising provided a very warm, very local, atmosphere."

Is that right? So, what changes should I be making?


2) The bands aren't prominent enough to have YouTube links for individual songs, however I have provided all the MySpace links where some songs can be heard. I am working on uploading some videos and mp3s for the bands, but am experiencing difficulty at the moment ssmile.gif

3) I tried to do a calender thing before, but it is too cumbersome and there is no real audience for it. Instead, I provided an "Upcoming" section at the end of the review with links to the various MySpace/websites of upcoming events, which (as they are maintained by the bands/venues themselves) means a lot less work for me ssmile.gif I may install a widget/gadget at the side of the blog with a personal calendar of upcoming gigs, if I get the change in the future.


Thank you very much, it is really tenses that I am having trouble staying on top of.
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Jul 13 2009, 06:00 PM (Post #9)
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QUOTE (Garlic Junior @ Jul 13 2009, 12:32 PM)
"The 13th Note is (present) a cosy wee café in the center of Glasgow that houses a small music venue amidst the bosom of its basement. Boasting a decor of bare concrete walls and old wooden tables emblazoned with the engravings of gigs past, this venue has hosted many a great local punk and metal gig. It is essentially the perfect venue for a gig like tonight's (present).

For such a small venue (the stage is nothing more than a carpet in the corner; the sound desk is literally housed in a hole in the wall) there was (past) some fantastic sound emanating from tonight's (present) bands. The drink prices were (past) reasonable, the toilets were (past) kept relatively clean, and the abundance of local graffiti, both on the tables and in the cubicles, and advertising provided a very warm, very local, atmosphere."

Is that right?  So, what changes should I be making?

*



Your tenses are fine. You are telling about your event in the past tense, but the cafe is still there so describing it obviously needs to be in the present tense. "Tonight's" is not necessarily present; you can speak about "this morning's" in the afternoon and it is then in the past. Since you are writing about the event afterward, "tonight's" in this case is in the past tense.
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Jul 13 2009, 06:07 PM (Post #10)
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Thank you, that's what I thought ssmile.gif it sure is great to get more opinions though.
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Jul 14 2009, 05:36 PM (Post #11)
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QUOTE (Garlic Junior @ Jul 13 2009, 09:32 AM)
1) I'm obviously trying to stick to one tense stongue.gif like I said, through re-writes stupid things like present tense seep into my review (I begin writing it the day after the gig, so it is more natural writing present tense (even if it is wrong), then through re-writes it becomes past tense). On re-reading it, does it go like this? (I'm not great with tense, btw).

"The 13th Note is (present) a cosy wee café in the center of Glasgow that houses a small music venue amidst the bosom of its basement. Boasting a decor of bare concrete walls and old wooden tables emblazoned with the engravings of gigs past, this venue has hosted many a great local punk and metal gig. It is essentially the perfect venue for a gig like tonight's (present).

For such a small venue (the stage is nothing more than a carpet in the corner; the sound desk is literally housed in a hole in the wall) there was (past) some fantastic sound emanating from tonight's (present) bands. The drink prices were (past) reasonable, the toilets were (past) kept relatively clean, and the abundance of local graffiti, both on the tables and in the cubicles, and advertising provided a very warm, very local, atmosphere."

Is that right?  So, what changes should I be making?
*


If you meant to describe the place in the present tense and the event in past tense, then I suppose it could work. I was a bit confused about "tonight" being in past tense, because I assumed that you weren't writing during the event, and I would usually go to sleep after attending an event at night instead of writing a review. stongue.gif But now I understand what you mean, and I don't think the average reader would have been confused by that.

I would still change "It is essentially the perfect venue for a gig like tonight's." to "It was essentially..." Also, "Set opener "She's Dyslexic" immediately sets the tone for the evening. " to "... immediately set the tone..." Later on in the paragraph, "the crowd love it" to "the crowd loved it" and "it is a perfect example" to "it was a perfect example." Etc. (some of the changes that I would make are merely personal preference, though)
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Jul 14 2009, 08:34 PM (Post #12)
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I understand what you are meaning, but I think (from reading many reviews myself) that it is more common to refer to events as if they are actually happening, and the actual event as in the past (if that makes sense).

It may make more sense to change all the tenses to present, then?
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Jul 14 2009, 11:49 PM (Post #13)
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QUOTE (Garlic Junior @ Jul 14 2009, 12:34 PM)
I understand what you are meaning, but I think (from reading many reviews myself) that it is more common to refer to events as if they are actually happening, and the actual event as in the past (if that makes sense).

It may make more sense to change all the tenses to present, then?
*


Oh, I see. I don't read many reviews, so feel free to do whatever feels best. swink.gif
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