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Lieutenant Dan Jokes


Feb 14 2011, 06:35 PM (Post #1)
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Here, we will come up with jokes about Lieutenant Dan from Forrest Gump. Read these while imagining the voice of Forrest himself for the best effect. You also have to begin every joke with "Ya know, "


<Jokes>

Ya know, I was there at Lieutenant Dan's weddin'. While his wife-to-be was gettin' all purdy, she was actin' real nervous like. She actually told me that she was afraid of Lieutenant Dan gettin' cold feet. I just looked at her and said "You don't have to worry about that, hun. Lieutenant Dan ain't gots no feet!" Ya know, I figured she'd know that already. And some people call me dumb...



Ya know, I was the one that hooked the Lieutenant up with his woman! I picked a nice short one so he wouldn't get jealous.



Ya know, the only kinda sale I ever feel safe takin' Lieutenant Dan to are the ones that gots stuff half off.


Ya know, I just gots done readin' about the old days when we's had slavery in the U.S. of A. They was talkin' about the three-fifth's compromise. I wonder where Lieutenant Dan would fit into that?


Ya know, I remember when Lieutenant Dan was readin' the Bible. Ya know that part where Jesus was talkin' about not bein' able to add one cubit to yer stature by worryin' about stuff? Yeah...Lieutenant Dan got mad and threw the book in the fire.


Ya know, me and Lieutenant Dan gots similar tastes in music. But we's made a deal to never listen to ZZ Top.


Ya know, Lieutenant Dan was teachin' me multiplication the other day. He asked me to solve 2 x 2 and I was like "That's as easy as walkin' and chewin'...oops."


Ya know, yesterday I was teachin' Lieutenant Dan some dancin' moves. He got stumped at da Runnin' Man.


Ya know, Lieutenant Dan really ain't an average man. Let's just say he doesn't put his pants on one leg at a time.


Ya know, if Lieutenant Dan was a D&D character, he could only take half damage.


Ya know, Lieutenant Dan doesn't like Hulk Hogan because he can't be part of something that's "Runnin' Wild".


</Jokes>

This post has been edited by Dancing Fool: Feb 14 2011, 06:40 PM
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Feb 14 2011, 07:06 PM (Post #2)
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Ya know, Lt. Dan has that metal leg. I helped him get it...
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Feb 14 2011, 07:53 PM (Post #3)
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Lol, that's a good one.
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Feb 14 2011, 09:58 PM (Post #4)
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Ya know, back in the forest, Lt. Dan told him to keep him there. I don't know why I'd wanna keep anyone in the forest like that. So I dragged him out...

Ya know, Lt Dan showed me his new woman. Her name was somethin'...but I think it should have been Jenny. That's his Jenny.

Ya know, back when Lt Dan was enjoying his ice cream in the hospital, I asked if I could have some. He just yelled at me. It was ice cream...
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Feb 14 2011, 09:58 PM (Post #5)
Here for the cute boys ;)
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You know it is funny to think that Lt Dan got his start at that movie...and now all he does his CSI
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Feb 15 2011, 07:08 AM (Post #6)
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I'm stumped.
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Feb 15 2011, 04:43 PM (Post #7)
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Oh, come on Joe. SURELY, you have something to contribute!

Ya know, I once beat Lieutenant Dan in an argument. Let's just say, he didn't have a leg ta stand on.

Ya know, me and Lieutenant Dan went to go see the Supabowl the otha day. He told me that it was the first time he ever set foot in the stadium and I just told him to quit lyin'.

Ya know, Lieutenant Dan told me that he was three feet tall. I just looked at him and told him to measure 'is-self in meters instead.

Ya know, me Lieutenant Dan and went to a rally, but we had ta leave because they wanted us to stand up for what is right.

Ya know, the last time Lieutenant Dan applied for a job, he didn't get hired. Let's just say, he couldn't get a leg up on the competition.

This post has been edited by Dancing Fool: Feb 15 2011, 04:54 PM
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Feb 15 2011, 07:29 PM (Post #8)
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Your Lt Dan jokes have no more footing in them, Nes.







original.gif
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Feb 15 2011, 09:34 PM (Post #9)
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Speaking of footing...

Ya know, lots a people are afraid of slippin' on all that ice on them there sidewalks. Good thing Lieutenant Dan ain't gotta worry about that.
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Feb 16 2011, 02:56 AM (Post #10)
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+1
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Feb 16 2011, 04:10 AM (Post #11)
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swink.gif
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Feb 16 2011, 02:31 PM (Post #12)
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Ya know, yesterday me and Lieutenant Dan sang a song together. It went something like this: Head and shoulders....da da da, da da da.
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Feb 16 2011, 10:27 PM (Post #13)
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Ya know, I asked Lt. Dan about Bubba Gump's shrimp. He said to stick a fork in it. He never told me where to stick the fork...
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Feb 17 2011, 12:20 AM (Post #14)
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Oh...GOD.
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Feb 17 2011, 01:05 AM (Post #15)
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QUOTE (Dancing Fool @ Feb 15 2011, 11:43 AM)
Oh, come on Joe.  SURELY, you have something to contribute!
*



Maybe I was too subtle.

I'm STUMPed
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